how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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