11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
