There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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