Banned from zoo.
Again?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
