Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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