but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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