I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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