She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
