just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
