i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I need moral support for this bender
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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