Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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