Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize