id be glad to
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
