Quick, to the slutcave!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
