I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
