just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
