you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
