my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
