the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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