I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
