we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
