Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
