When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize