just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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