Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
