I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
