I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
