the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
