My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
