I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
