I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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