i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
