Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
