i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize