I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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