Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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