this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
