yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
