he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
