The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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