so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
