A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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