I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she peed on how many people?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
