That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
