Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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