He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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