Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize