She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
