Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
