We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
