"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
