if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
