my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
