Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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