i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
