I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
