You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
