It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You left your phone here
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