Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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