My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize