I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
