Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
