I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
