Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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