They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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