She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
