i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
