That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
