I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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