The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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