I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
