Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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