just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
