I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
